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“The Match 2” was the Best Entertainment of the Quarantine

In case you were sleeping under a rock yesterday afternoon, or already 15 bud lights deep into your Memorial Day weekend, you, like every other sports starved fan in the world got to watch some of the first live sports in months with the “The Match 2”. It featured Tiger Woods and Peyton Manning vs. Phil Mickelson and Tom Brady.

Everyone knew that the trash talk between these groupings would be prevalent given the egos and personalities involved and it didn’t take long before shots were being fired. They hadn’t even made it to the first tee yet before Peyton starting giving it to Brady and even brought his brother Eli Manning and Nick Foles into it.

You knew right then that these guys were definetly comfortable around each other and it was going to be a entertaining day watching them compete on the course. The football players weren’t the only ones with expertise in talking trash though, a little later Tiger gave Phil Mickelson a nice barb about never winning the US Open.

Tiger wasn’t done either, he hit Brady with maybe my favorite line of the day after Brady shanked yet another drive early on.

Anyone that’s ever played golf (and sucked at it) has heard that joke before and it plays everytime. Tiger’s delivery was perfect though, just so matter of fact with it. It was awesome. It was right around this moment I knew we had something here and it was going to be far more entertaining that lasts years match that was just between him and Phil Mickelson.

To Tigers credit, and to the delight of many of his fans, he looked very sharp yesterday which is a great sign considering he missed the majority of PGA events earlier this spring before everything was cancelled due to COVID-19. While The Medalist Golf Club where this took place is basically Tiger’s home course, (they even have specific tees for him) it was was still nice to see the 2019 Masters Champ out there doing his thing and gives hope that more wins could be in his future.

One guy who was not playing well at all on the other hand, was the GOAT of Football, Mr. Tom Brady. That one he shanked over to the 7th fairway wasn’t his first or last errant shot of the match.

https://twitter.com/barstoolsports/status/1264656785820057613

It was actually sort of refreshing to see someone as perfect as Brady appears, to look exactly like me out there on the course at times. Being a life-long Patriots fan and still salty about Brady leaving for Tampa Bay, one side of me was filled with a sense of giddy-glee everytime he shanked one. The twitter trolls were out in full force as well, like sharks in the water they were getting their first sniff of Brady blood in 20 years and were loving it.

But the other side of me remembered all the joy he has brought me in my life over the years and was rooting for him to pull it together. And just when it seemed he wouldn’t make a Par all day, all it took was Charles Barkely talking a little shit in Brady’s ear and he goes and pulls this shit. GOAT status reconfirmed.

Just an unbelievable shot, definetly the shot of the match and just like that Brady’s attitude did a 180 and he started to lighten up and talk trash of his own. He’ll probably call up MJ later on and trade stories about telling Charles Barkely to suck it after shoving it back in his face. What a moment. I mean he put so much effort into that shot he even ripped his pants. What an athlete.

Honestly I don’t know Barkley has any ground to talk smack when he swings a club like this.

Back to the match itself, again unless you live under a rock or have no internet in quarantine you know that Tiger and Peyton ultimately pulled it out, winning by a hole even though Tom and Phil made a later charge on the back 9 after being down three holes. It was honestly a great day for not only golf but the world of sports, here’s a few more of the best moments of the day.

Justin Thomas honestly did an amazing job on the broadcast too, and this was his best line of the day aimed towards Barkley. Hilarious.

I was actually really impressed with Peyton’s game overall too, I guess that’s what retired life will get you.

This might be my favorite social media comment on the match from the day..

Brady still salty over that Eagles Super Bowl too.

Brady had some barbs of his own aimed towards Manning too.

Overall, despite the weather yesterday it was such an amazing event. These four guys really put on quite the show for us sports-starved fans and I know personally I am really grateful for that. Watching live sports again felt like a break from reality for a few hours. Not to mention the fact these guys made a boatload of money for for the COVID-19 relief fund, 20 million is nothing to sneeze at. Kudos to these guys.

P.s. Would you have ever thought Tiger was that much shorter than these guys, I mean I know Peyton and tom are like 6’3 & 6’4 range, but I had no idea Phil was 6’3 too. Online it says Tiger is 6’1 but judging from this picture thats like an NBA height, like when they say Kevin Durant is like 7’2 when he’s really like 6’10. I hope Tiger doesn’t catch a glimpse of this photo because his ego might resort back 08′ Tiger and start going wild again. Thank goodness Perkins restaurants are to-go orders only right now.

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Happy Friday! Here’s a Video of the Absolute Worst People from the Covid-19 Pandemic

Listen, I get it, wearing a mask sucks. They are uncomfortable and hard to breathe through at times and if I haven’t brushed my teeth or had a mint recently it’s like being self tortured by a mouth breathing mongoloid and there’s nothing worse than that. But this is the world we live in currently. When you go into a public setting, and they require you to wear a mask, you need to wear a fucking mask. You do not need to act like these savages from this video.

Coughing/spitting on people and assaulting them because you are being forced to do something that might actually help society for once in your miserable white trash lives isn’t the answer. I’m so happy these videos exist so these people can be dragged through the internet streets for the rest of time.

It’s not a goddamn violation of your civil liberties or freedom because you have to wear a mask for the 30 mins or less you are in a store, its common sense. COVID is a respiratory illness, so preventing everyone from breathing all over each other is probably a good idea. You think it’s so awful because you have to wear a mask, oh boo hoo, try pulling this shit in China. I’m pretty sure it’s immediate death by firing squad if you even think about not putting a mask on when you leave the house there. I mean Jesus, they’re even making the cats wear masks there.

By the way, this isn’t the first time stores have ever required a certain article of clothing to be worn in them. Hello, have you ever heard of “No shirt, No shoes, No service”? Maybe next you should just assault the guy at 7/11 when he tells you to throw some sandals on before you come in for that 64oz Blue Mountain Dew Slushie. Because make no mistake, the people in this video are the same psychopaths and garbage humans that would walk into a 7/11 with no shoes on.

I gotta give a hand to the employees in these videos though. They somehow are remaining calm and keeping up that corporate appearance in the face of absolute lunacy. If someone coughed or spit on me with Coronavirus going on! I’m legit going to murder you and I’m pretty sure I’ll get off in court claiming self-defense of my immune system.

So anyway, here’s a ranking of these trasholes for further examination. Enjoy.

5. Hole in Mask Lady (Karen Level 5.7)

Hole in mask lady comes in at number 5 because she doesn’t actually do anything to the worker or anything offensive at all really. She just wins for the biggest fucking idiot of the group. She defeated the entire purpose of the mask and if she’s not careful one of those BDSM weirdos out there might think she’s sending mixed messages about how that hole should be used. Yikes.

4. FedEx Store Lady (Karen Level 7.3)

For starters, this lady is a fucking idiot for even being in a FedEx store. It’s 2020 lady, I can send and receive any package imaginable in about 3 seconds from the comfort of my couch. Get it together. Secondly, we have our first cougher, so death would be an acceptable fate but I’ll give her some benefit that she isn’t coughing directly on people. But not much. Given her white trash, titties showing through the shirt appearance, I would assume she smokes no less than a carton of Marlboro Menthols every day so maybe she just had a random smokers cough and her fate will come soon enough. We can only hope.

3. Cough directly in your face Lady (Karen Level 8.6)

Maybe a shocker that this lady isn’t number one I know, but there’s a lack of context here that makes it difficult to judge. The guy whose face she’s coughing into isn’t wearing a mask either so it likely wasn’t about that. For all we know he was being that creepy dude at the bar and this was her absolutely ridiculous response to that. She honestly might have given him the easy way out. He looks like a frail old man and she looks like a tank of lady that could probably play offensive line for the local college team. Still, the closeness of the cough is just preposterous. If she has COVID, that guys now has COVID. It’s facts. Death by stoning for this broad.

2. Spitting in Walmart Employee’s Face Lady (Karen Level 9.5)

COVID or not, you spit in my face and I’m probably throwing hands. No minimum wage Walmart Cashier Job is going to prevent that, but kudos to these guys for keeping their cool. We also have our first Cough & Spit contestant of the day with this crazy bitch too. Just a wild, wild move. I can almost guarantee this is one of those situations where someone placed a Flat Screen TV in the Dollar Bin and Karen can’t wrap her head around that the actual price is $799. Instead she felt the need to start spraying bodily fluids on people. Fuck this lady, Death by a million needles. P.S. Run a comb through that hair for me one-time lady, it’s tough to classify you as an actual Karen with your hair looking like that. Get it together.

1. I have a Medical Condition Lady (Karen Level 10.0)

Unfortunately, this lady was the one actually filming the video so we don’t get to view her undoubtedly permanent pissy bitch face and attitude but you get all you need out of what she says. “I have a medical condition so I can’t wear a mask”. I can tell by the look on his face, Dan the store manager here has the same thought as me but can’t say it, so I’ll do it for him. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ARE YOU EVEN OUT IF YOU HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION YOU STUPID STUPID LADY!!!! She continues to berate him, claims she can’t have him grab the stuff she needs because it’s private stuff? Chill lady, Dan is definitely a Dad and he’s seen a box of tampons before. Then she states she will sue the store to which Dan just shrugs which is my favorite part.

Fuck this Lady. While she may not deserve death like some of the others, I can guarantee she is the worst one of the lot to be around for an extended period of time. Just an absolute Debbie Downer who will find a way to ruin anything.

So in conclusion, don’t be like these people. No one is telling you that you have to wear a mask 24/7 or anytime you step outside. Matter of fact if I see you wearing a mask running or riding a bike I find you just as stupid as these people who refuse to. When you go in stores or public settings just throw it the fuck on. Hopefully, just maybe, it will help prevent us from being locked in our houses for the rest of time and prevent the economic disaster we have already from getting worse. Also, be nice to these employees that are actually out working putting their own health at risk on a daily basis, they deserve to be treated with respect always, but especially now. Have a great Memorial Day everyone and stay safe.

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Jackass of the Day: Dak Prescott Turns Down 5 Year, $175 Million Dollar Contract

When I first saw this tweet on my timeline this morning I thought for sure it had to be a joke. Who in their right mind would even offer Dak Prescott that much money, the richest in NFL history thus far.

Then I remembered Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, likely super drunk off a $500 dollar bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, would absolutely offer a Quarterback that led his team to 8-8 record last season a contract such as this. I have to imagine Jerry’s house must be looking like a Phi Delta Theta fraternity after a 3 month bender in quarantine.

Anyways, before I sound like I’m trashing Dak Prescott like he’s equivalent to Mitch Trubisky, I’ll admit I believe he is a top 10 quarterback in the NFL and he does deserve a huge payday from the Cowboys. When you are the face of America’s team (and the most valuable sports franchise on Earth) and will be for the forseeable future, you should be compensated fairly. But 5 years, $175 million dollars seems like bananaland for a QB whos last name isn’t Mahommes or Rodgers.

I mean these are respectable stats for a QB after four years, but not highest paid player of all-time stats. (Side Note: “The Fortress” is the worst nickname I’ve ever heard).

So you would think, that a guy like that would understand that he was getting an incredible deal when offered such a contract and would sign on the dotted line immediately. Nope. Prescott apparently turned the deal down in hopes of a deal which nets him $45 million on the last year of the deal.

I’m all for players taking greedy owners to the woodshed come contract time, especially in a league like the NFL. Your career could literally end on any play so it makes sense to get the most guaranteed money and biggest contract possible. I’m all in favor of that. Butttttttttt……maybe read the room for me one time dude. There is currently a worldwide pandemic going on, 35 million Americans are out of work, and you’re out here turning down $175 million dollar contracts? Small business’s are shuttering by the day and your griping about 10 million more dollars that will be due to you 5 years from now? As stupid as the Cowboys may be for offering a deal like this, Prescott might have just made them look like the smart ones by turning it down. I mean I guess if you got warmup moves like this you can afford to be a greedy dick while the world burns around you..

And again, before everyone chimes in how players deserve all the money they can get or that this contract will look like a bargain compared to what Patrick Mahommes will receive soon, I get it and I can agree with that. But someone in Prescott’s camp has to at least think about how giant of an asshole their client might look like when it leaks that he turned down that much money in todays climate. Again, read the room for me one time homie. Not to mention, when you are the Quarterback of maybe the most iconic franchise in the world of sports, that comes with millions and millions of endorsements deals. I mean I hear Donovan McNabb is still living off his Chunky Campbell Soup money, whats Dak’s issue then?

Anyways, I’m personally someone that is lucky and grateful to still be working during this pandemic we are facing as a country, so as annoyed as this might make me, there are millions who are unemployed right now that this might seriously pisses off, and I completely understand that. Which is why, I will leave you with this video of Dak Prescott getting the shit kicked out of him on spring break or something from back in his college days. The video quality sucks and he pretty much got jumped which isn’t really cool, but I’m trying to help some of those who are unemployed and hate Prescott right now feel better so too bad. Enjoy.

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Take a Minute to Check Out the Top 5 Larry Bird Fights

Since the great Quarantine started back in March there has obviously been no sports and no NBA basketball to watch. It’s been awful and depressing for those of us that are die-hard hoops fans. Our only salvation has been the throwback clips that get posted to social media on a daily basis. Of those, the main ones I keep seeing are Larry Bird highlight reels, basically the same ones posted day after day.

I’m not salty about it, I love Larry Bird. But if you grew up a Celtics fan like me, Larry Bird highlights were like my Lion King or Little Mermaid. I’ve watched them a million times and while they never get old, it’s still the same stuff I’ve been watching since the mid 90’s.

That’s why I thought this clip of Larry Bird’s best fights would be a good change of pace from the highlight reels we have been inundated with on the daily. There’s been a lot of talk lately about how the 90’s were so much tougher than today’s game due to the “Last Dance” documentary about Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls, but the rough stuff that went on then looks like paddycake compared to how the NBA got down in the 80’s. And as this video shows, Larry Bird was not only one of the greatest, but one of the toughest SOB’s to ever play. The “Hick from French Lick” didn’t take no shit from anyone.

P.S. — Just in case you watched that and are craving some more NBA fights, here’s a video featuring some of the best of all time.

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Pentagon Basically Confirms UFO’s are Real, 2020 Remains Undefeated

The first thing trending this Tuesday morning are reports that the Pentagon has declassified videos from the US Navy, confirming that they are real and are UFO’s.

Now if these videos look familiar, especially for your other Alien truthers out there, it’s because they are not technically new footage. These tapes were already leaked in the past couple years and have already circulated the internet multiple times. Whats different now you may ask then? The Pentagon declassified them, confirming it is real footage capture by real Navy pilots and we have no idea what the hell these objects are. The same government that has basically assured us there is no such thing as aliens for that past 75 years now has all of a sudden decided to basically confirm their existence in the middle of a pandemic. Coincidence? The Alex Jones, tinfoil hat side of me thinks not.

The governement already did confirm these videos were real back in 2017, so why put them in our face again now? Are they trying to get us ready because the aliens are almost here and its going to be Independence Day 2020 soon? Will Smith better stop making shitty movies and get it together if thats the case because we’re gonna need him.

The Twitter world has been ablaze with hilarious memes and jokes this morning as well, with #AliensExist now trending

With the craziness that 2020 has already brought us it almost feels like aliens arriving would almost be welcomed at this point. I mean they have been around for like a billion more years then us so they must have a Coronavirus vaccine by now right? Even if we have to be enslaved by Aliens for the rest of time if I can at least get sports back I think that’s a deal I’m willing to make right now.

Maybe this is just a part of an elaborate PR campaign for Space Jam 2. LeBron had enough of MJ getting all this shine for the new Last Dance documentary and decided to fight Aliens for real this time. It’s probably his only shot left at being considered the GOAT.

But in all seriousness, who knows what the hell this all means. It’s not like the Government just realized there are actually aliens or UFO’s if they really do exist. They have definitely known about all this for decades. If you’re looking to go on an alien conspiracy deep dive, I’d suggest starting with Bob Lazar, the guy claims he worked on real alien spacecraft back in the 80’s at Area 51. And while the government has repeatedly denied he ever worked there and is full of shit, his story is pretty convincing if you keep an open mind. Below is the podcast from when he was on the Joe Rogan Experience and he’s had other documentary and YouTube films made about him that are eye opening. Think you what you want, but for as strange as 2020 has already been I say bring on the Aliens at this point.

P.S. I’m definitely on #TeamAlien if they come. I would join them in a heartbeat, even if I have to get probed/violated to join up, gotta make that sacrifice to be on the winning team.

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